


The final crash

by hesnotadream



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Character Death, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Song fic, Suicide, This Is Sad, bullied bucky, i guess?, inspired by red and if this was a movie by taylor swift, more than inspired is like, so credit to tS I guess, there are some lyrics of it in the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-13 00:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11748417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hesnotadream/pseuds/hesnotadream
Summary: And he is at the top of the cliff, ready for the final crash.or the one in which Steve breaking up with Bucky is just the drop that overflows the barrel.





	The final crash

And he is there, at the top of the cliff.

The waves are crashing on the rocks under him, he can see them clearly, he can feel them strike against those gloomy rocks and all he can think about is that he will be the next to hurl on that cliff.

He can almost feel dizzy just thinking about it, but he is sure, he wants to do it.

There is nothing that holds him here to endure all the pain he has suffered, the bullies, the abuse, the insults, the punches and the kicks.

Steve was the only thing keeping him alive, he was the only reason why he hadn’t left a long time ago, but now it seems like he doesn’t care anymore.

And all the moments spent together come back to him in flashbacks and echoes, he tells himself that it’s time now to let go, but moving on from him is impossible when he still see it all in his head.

He remembers the first time he met him, with his deep blue eyes and messy golden hair.

He remembers the first time they talked, he needed a pen.  
Steve never gave it back.

He remembers the first time Steve asked him out, the blond was really nervous even if he tried to hide it, and Bucky’s heart was beating so fast he thought it could bust out of his chest, because Steve was asking _him_ out; Steve, who was so perfect and lovable and loved, was asking a nothing like Bucky out.

They went to a nice ice-cream shop, Steve wanted to pay at all costs but he forgot his wallet, when he noticed he blushed all the way to his ears and he started apologizing, he really wanted to pay and be a gentleman.

Bucky promised that he didn’t have to worry and that the next time he could pay.  
And so he did.

He remembers when Steve kissed him for the first time, they were cuddling on Steve’s rooftop, like they always did, when Steve took Bucky’s face in hands, looked at him in the eyes for a few seconds, smiling, and then kissed him.

Bucky was 17 and Steve was his first kiss and he had no idea what to do.

What was he supposed to do with his tongue or how to move his lips.

Despite his insecurity and inexperience that kiss was the perfect kiss because it was Steve kissing him.

After a few days he asked if Bucky wanted to be his boyfriend.  
Everything was perfect.

They hang out holding hands and they kissed and laughed and they did all the cheesy, romantic things that couples do and all the silly things that best friends do.

But people are cruel.

People started talking and they began to insult and bully not only Bucky but Steve too.  
Steve, unlike Bucky, wasn’t used to it.

Steve was a literal sunshine loved by almost everyone with a lot of friends always by his side.

Steve stopped talking to him, he stopped texting or calling.  
He found out that Steve got a new girlfriend.

He told everyone that he was just confused, that everyone sometimes wants to try something new.

And Bucky’s depression got worse.  
Last night he heard his own heart beating and it sounded like footsteps on his stairs.

Two months had gone by and he’s still reaching even though he knows Steve’s not there.

He was playing back a thousand memories, thinking about all they’ve been through, but maybe he had been going back too much, to a time when he still had him.

He remembers of one night when he was crying in Steve’s arms, they had insulted and punched them because they were together, but he just kept holding Bucky and he told him that nothing would ever separate them.

Oh how wrong he was, he had no idea.

Bucky tried talking to him, he just wanted to hear his voice again, but he was so cold, colder than ice in the winter.

Bucky just smiled hopefully and asked him to talk, he wanted to understand what was going on.

He reached for Steve’s hands but the blond batted them away, then he looked Bucky straight in the eyes and told him that there was nothing to talked about, because there never was anything between them, that he had to forget everything about them and everything about him.

But how can you forget the person that you love?

He wanted to tell him, he wanted to tell him that he loved him.

He wanted to tell him the day that Steve broke up with him.

He had gathered all his courage and called Steve’s number, but Steve had other plans.

Deep down Bucky knows that Steve loves him too, that Steve is just scared, but that deep down is just too deep down.

So he takes a deep breath.

There is nothing holding him down on earth anymore.

He closes his eyes and flies away.

He was only 17 but he suffered his whole life, nobody ever loved him enough to be with him every second of his life.

He never got love from his family, only harsh words and even harsher beatings.

When he started school he hoped to find friends and love but all he found was more harsh words and kicks and punches.

If someone could have been there long enough to understand how much he need real help and helped him get some, if Steve could have been a little stronger and stayed by his side maybe things could have gone differently.

But how can you ask a 17 years old boy to carry all of that on his shoulders?

They were both just too young and Bucky was just too tired.

He won’t feel more pain now, he feels light as he has never felt before while he flies down the cliff, smiling, because no one can hurt him now, he is ready for the final crash.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not betaded so all the mistakes are mine. Hope you like it and tell me what you think if you like. If you have a better summery please tell me cause I suck at it.


End file.
